I just want to sit in His mysteries and let that be enough.

Lies We Believe.

Last week a couple of my girlfriends and I were talking over dinner about how easy it is to believe the lies that are whispered to us. Before dinner that night I had gone on a run and really hit a low of believing some of the lies. As I was running, I ran past a stopped car with 2 guys in it at an intersection. As I ran past I heard them laughing and immediately I told myself they were laughing at me because I was fat. Seriously. I could hear them laughing for about another minute and I actually started to cry as I ran. A small piece of me even said "It's just Satan lying to you", but I still couldn't get the lie out of my head. That one moment had done it's damage, had socked me so hard in the stomach that I had to strain to catch my breath. Now before you say anything, yes I know I am not fat. And yes I am well aware that the guys in the car probably didn't even notice I was running in front of them. But am I insecure about my weight and body? Of course, I am a fallen 26 year old woman who lives in a world of Cosmo and MTV. Even the women I admire in trail running have killer bodies that I now find myself comparing to. I can tell myself a million times "I am a child of God, He created me perfectly, I am wonderfully made, He sees me as beautiful." But yet it never seems to be enough. It never seems to be enough for me that He sees me as beautiful. And that scares me. It scares me that my want is not to please Him, but to feel as though I am beautiful. Most people would say that I am an insanely secure and confident women, well those who don't know me too well would. Because it isn't true. I struggle daily with not being "girly" enough or pretty enough or thin enough or in-shape enough. It makes me angry with God when I feel like this because I'm like seriously? You can't help me out a bit in this? How do we stop the lies and how do we protect our hearts from them?

All I know to do when the whispers come, is to say even louder that He thinks I am beautiful and wait for the day when I truly believe it.

Some not so serious.

I know I need to blog about some real stuff, I've got lots of stuff started but not finished. You'll see it soon enough. But to hold you over....

Red River Gorge-ous

Last week, 7 girls (5 from Athens, 1 from Columbia) and I went to Kentucky for 4 days. We decided we HAD to get out of our towns and do something. So we decided to pack up and head to Slade, KY and do some climbing. A couple of the girls had been there before but I hadn't, so needless to say I was all in! Let me just set this up....5 girls, 5 girls gear, a Chevy Tracker and 7 hours of driving. Yup you guessed it! Lots of crazy moments and insane amounts of fun!

It was absolutely beautiful! The land made me really want Fall to hit Columbia in a major way! Despite freezing toes and tents, I wanted that weather back home when I got there.

Now I'm not an avid climber and so I was a bit nervous on the way up to good ole Kentucky, but quickly realized that didn't matter. I just need to be outside doing something, anything, trying something, falling of a rock face...anything as long as I am not cooped up inside for very long. I loved being around women who loved the same thing, driving out of our way to grab some beer at a sketchy (yet awesome) store, contemplating with Amy what our pizza at Miguel's that night would be, and going to bed absolutely pooped because I had done something that day. It's a great feeling. And there is just something about being around a group of women who are just there to have fun and there is no pressure to be something you're not. It's a beautiful feeling. The encouraging words like "Hey you're ass looks great up there" and "You just Sharmad that bitch" that make you want to go farther than you thought you could or actually try something you wouldn't have even considered, i.e. attempting to lead my first route. Wouldn't have traded it for anything. And Ed, who could forget about Ed? I certainly won't. Sitting with people and just enjoying them and who they are with no judgment or expectations, that's where the beauty is.

Needless to say I had an amazing time. I don't have pictures yet from the trip, but I'll leave you with some I "borrowed" from Steph.

Some Love.

"All beautiful you are, my darling;

there is no flaw in you."

-Song of Solomon 4:7


Some mornings I just need to hear this.

Lyrics

I think it's the first few verses that really hit me...

"I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?"

But whatever it is, when this song comes on Pandora as I am getting ready in the morning...it just hits me.

Sae Got Hitched!

And it was beautiful! Like Charleston magazine beautiful! I stole some pictures from Barb since my camera is en route to me. Enjoy!

Me Being Short...

Rehearsal....

Classy At Tea...

Just Plain Looking Good...
Erin and Barb...Hotties...

With The Bride....

THE PARKERS!!